SOMETIMES A HUG IS ALL WE NEED....SHH, DON'T SPEAK

The Bible says, " there's a time for everything under the sun, a time to speak, a time to keep quiet. So it's in that spirit that this article is written. This is one of those axioms that merit closer scrutiny.

Have you ever been in this situation, you run into someone with the most forlorn look, and you approach them and ask "what's wrong," and they proceed with a litany of problems? Did you really want to know or were you just being nosey, pardon me, curious? Did you stand there wishing you'd never asked? Herein lies the application, sometimes just a hug is all they need. Maybe just hush and listen. The conversation will dictate the proper response. Venting, is oftentimes very cathartic, so take a breath, you don't always have to have the solution. There are times when introspective is what's needed. You the listener, (a good one), will discern that, and act accordingly. There is a truth that can't be denied, there are talkers and listeners.

The talkers listen with the idea that, "as soon as I can get a word in edgewise, it's my turn." Not necessarily with the idea of responding to the conversation, but with a one-upmanship, in other words, "I got one better than that."

The listener on the other hand, in most cases, looks into the face of the conversationalist and quietly take it all in, inserting an occasional question concerning the subject. You can tell a talker, by the frequent interruptions and constant insertions of "uh, huh, and," and the impatience for the speaker to finish. The listener can repeat minute details of the conversation, even if they have short memories. You see listeners don't necessarily rely on memory, if they've heard it, it's embedded into their psyche. I am not speaking from a professional standpoint, on the subject, but from experience.

I have been told that I am a good listener, (of course my children would probably beg to differ). When I first heard that, I thought, "me," but I have something to say on almost everything. Upon closer examination of my listening habits, I tend to concur. When someone is speaking I tend to look into the face of the speaker, and ask leading questions. Now, I do this because I am truly interested in most of the conversations that I am involved in. Maybe I am a tad bit nosey, whatever it is I find it easier to listen than to talk at these times. I have a phenomenally bad memory, however, I can meet someone that I've had an intense discourse with and instantly remember something specific about the conversation. I've been asked by the person, "you remember that?" I can honestly say no, but, I "heard" that. Don't get me wrong I am a big talker, but also a listener, when it matters.

Back to the subject at hand. There are times when life overwhelms us, and what we need most of all is a listening ear. Sometimes it appears, by the way we state it, we want an answer, however, with a little silence from the listener the reason for the rant, or intense conversation will become apparent. So, when someone comes to you needing to talk, take a breath, sit up straight, look intently into the face of the speaker, and wait. Maybe all they need is silence on your part, and maybe, what they need is a hug. Be the "medicine" they need, and if need be....Shh, just a hug.

On the occasion, when speaking is necessary to alleviate the intense stress of a situation, think, before you speak. If need be, speak as little as possible, and for goodness sake, don't go into your troubles at that time. That's when it's not about you, it's all about them at this point. There is nothing more maddening than having to vent, and then, to run into the one person that has the same need as you. I digress. If you've paid attention, you can discern the appropriate advice, or comfort to dispense. There probably is no need for a professional at this point. However if you discern that there is need for a professional, don't hesitate to recommend one. Even when there is need for conversation, still, quiet, and, a hug could come in handy. 

So I reiterate, sometimes all they need is a hug.....shh, don't speak, unless it's necessary! So, if a hub is needed, don't be shy, just give it.